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I think it’s safe to say that we all define what love is in different ways. I don’t believe there is one set definition of what love is and even if I could come up with a definition of it, my words would fail me. There are too many angles, feelings, and mind-sets to describe L-O-V-E.
I’ve decided to look at love from a different angle…what love ISN’T.
1. Love isn’t a reason to stay in a shitty relationship
No relationship is perfect, and I get that. However, if the person you are with isn’t bringing any bit of joy into your life, but instead doing the exact opposite of that, well, it’s time to reconsider your situation. Keep in mind; just because you hear your partner say, “I love you,” it will not magically make the relationship better. Doesn’t it seem a little hypocritical to use these words to cover over bad situations that have occurred within the relationship? There shouldn’t be any aspect of your relationship that makes you feel like you’re slowing dying from the inside out.
RUN, my friends. Peace the F out.
2. Love isn’t a reason to feel defeated emotionally or physically
How you feel today emotionally should never (I repeat, NEVER) depend on the person you love. There is something wrong if you are too emotionally dependent on your partner. Your self-esteem, as well as your emotional health and stability, should not be at the whim of your partner.
I hope it goes without saying, if your partner ever feels the need to use violence in any way towards you… that is not love.
Speaking from personal experience, I had a really bad relationship that entailed many of these defeated feelings. I think we are all entitled to at least one of these “bad” relationships. We grow from them, etc… But when it’s happening and you are sucked into the chaos, you don’t realize how bad it actually is.
I think it is important for anyone who is an abusive relationship to remember this: You are good enough, you can do better, and you are worthy of love.
3. Love isn’t trapped by time
People grow apart. If you are staying with someone because of “history” and not because you truly love and care about this person, then why are you staying? The amount of time you share with someone doesn’t define your love. Just because you’ve spent X amount of years with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you HAVE to stay, or worse, HAVE to get married. Yes, it’s scary “starting over” but if you stay narrow minded and in something you don’t want to be in because you feel like you have to, well…great news!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO!
Love should never be defined by time.
4. Love isn’t something you have to prove
Your love for another person should be evident in your actions. No, I don’t mean how much money your partner is dishing out on you. It should never be judged by how many gifts, dinners, or trips they take you on. Yeah sure, these are great. But your partner should never have to feel like they need to do things like that to show they love you. If you are constantly asking for these types of things to prove your partner loves you, then there is something wrong. Love isn’t measured by materialistic things.
5. Love isn’t lust
Okay let me explain. Sex is a crucial part of any partnership. I mean, it feels great, it’s fun, and it connects you closer to the person you love. But what if every other aspect of your relationship is awful? You literally cannot stand this person speaking, let alone in your presence. But hey, the sex is outstanding! Enough reason to stay? …Um, no. More so women than men, due to our naturally emotional state, tend to connect lust with emotions. I feel pretty strongly that we intertwine the two (lust and love) and find it hard to separate them especially when we think we are in “love.”
Hate to break it to you, people…. If you’ve been with someone longer than 6 months, have never gone on a single date, met their friends/family, or even stepped foot outside of the bedroom, that isn’t love. Not really sure that’s a relationship either.
By all means, do what makes you happy. We’re all adults here. Some people may just want that type of relationship and that’s cool. But if your only reason for staying with someone you “love” is just for the sex, well… don’t you think you deserve more?
Oh, how lovely. I see some faint spider veins. And look, a few grey hairs have emerged! Isn’t this exciting?
I’ve gone 26 years ungrateful of my flawless skin, and my dark locks without worrying that someday I will have grey hair. *GASP*
I’ve never been someone who is concerned about age. I mean, it’s silly. It’s just a number. But out of nowhere, I had the “your-body-is-getting-older-and-will-change” realization. Then it’s like, OOPS! MINI PANIC ATTACK—I CAN’T CHANGE THIS FROM HAPPENING!
By no means do I think I am old, I am still a kid in my eyes.
However, complaining when I was a teenager or even in my early 20’s about my body seems so foolish now. In fact, I wish I considered loving my body a little bit more. What the hell was I so worried about then anyway?
To the young folks out there reading this;
Order that frickin’ dessert if you want to.
Wear the damn sunblock. Your skin is so important.
Get another round of beers.
Quit smoking cigarettes - you’ve proved your point.
Enjoy your natural hair color. This new fad with hot pink-purple hair is great and all, and I am not trying to shit on this, but I do think you should enjoy your natural hair while you still can. Capiche?
Know that there is a good chance you will eventually regret that tattoo. But hell, get it anyway!
Take naked pictures. Yup that’s right, take more naked pictures. You will thank me in 30 years.
Have sex with all of your clothes off. And with the lights on.
Whenever your boyfriend/girlfriend tells you you’re sexy, don’t argue. Thank him/her! And be grateful.
ENJOY what you’ve got to offer NOW…because some day your boobs will be down to your belly button, you’ll probably throw out your back opening a jar of pickles, and that 20/20 vision you have now may fail you in later years when you’re eating potpourri and NOT potato chips.
Spider veins and greys, I welcome you, you bastards.
Another year has gone.
And what a year it has been…
2013 started off a tad shittier than I had hoped.
I left a friend’s house 10 minutes after the ball dropped, alone, and went right home and cried a good cry before dozing off to sleep. I was pretty sad spending yet another New Year’s eve alone.
I was getting really frustrated at the end of 2012, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, getting treated like complete shit from other worthless jerks, or just being led on without any actual intent to stay. Other things factored, of course. I missed my family, especially my nephews. I hated my body. I weighed the most I have ever weighed. I was an emotional mess. I started shutting out people in my life because I wanted to be alone, which in turn only made me sadder.
Anyway, something changed this year. I was done being sad. I was done catering to everyone else’s needs. I was done not putting myself and my happiness first.
I was writing more, and painting. I was using my creativity as an outlet.
It felt awesome.
I said yes to dates. I met so many interesting (to say the least) people. I went on adventures with other single girlfriends.
I didn’t have a care in the world.
It was freeing.
It was a fucking blast.
For the first time in years, I felt like myself. I got back to my normal weight. I did things that made me HAPPY. I wasn’t looking to the past anymore. I wasn’t dwelling on shitty relationships that crippled me for years.
I developed into the best me I have ever been!
When the summer came around, I had no idea my life would change, again.
I met someone.
I was pretty hesitant saying yes right away, I guess I wasn’t sure about the timing. But I took a chance and stopped worrying so damn much about outside factors.
After all, worrying so much is what held me back for so many years.
I’m glad I took a chance.
This man has brought a light into my life that I have never known. I am extremely thankful for him. I can’t imagine my life now if I hadn’t taken that chance.
I am in love. And it is beautiful.
Even my work life was on the rise. I received Masterpiece for one of the quarters, which was a nice perk that included money and a parking space. And (after months of proving myself) I will be receiving a bump in my salary come first of the new year. It’s a small bump, but well deserved nonetheless.
So ya, hard work pays off…eventually.
Getting my tonsils removed was also a huge breakthrough for me. Granted I did have to have a follow up emergency surgery after puking up blood for a couple of hours (ya, no fun). But it was one of the best things I could have done for my health. No more sickness every other month. Hooray!
Then there were those pesky car accidents I got into. Yeap. I went 10 years of my life without EVER getting into any accidents. Then BOOM. I rear ended someone on my lunch break. Over $2,000 worth of damages.
If that wasn’t bad enough, 3 weeks later I rear ended ANOTHER PERSON. Completely totaled my car. It was scary. Everything about that moment was terrifying. But in the end, I kept an optimistic approach to it all and eventually everything worked out.
I even got a new car!
I’ve learned an incredible amount about myself this year.
Thank you, 2013. Thank you for all the hard times because I certainly would not appreciate all the wonderful things I have been blessed with this year.
2014, I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me.
Happy New Year!
I pride myself on being a very personable and friendly human being. I like to think of myself as a good person. I have a huge heart. I give, and give, and rarely ever ask for much in return. I love my family, friends, and my boyfriend with all my heart. I am grateful for them every single day.
Recently, I am learning that not everyone is going to like me. Heck, they may not even respect me! It actually pains me because I’ve gone 26 years of my life without ever feeling like this. For the first time I feel like I am not worthy of someone’s time, space, or decency. It just kind of sucks, to put it lightly.
I can’t help but wonder: Do these individuals not like me simply because I exist? Have I done something in my sleep that I am unaware of? Do I have a twin that is going around being relentless to these people giving them a solid foundation to disregard me completely?
It’s beyond me. It’s unfair. It’s stupid.
But hey, that’s life. And it’s okay. Do you know why it’s okay? Because I know who I am. And I AM a good person. I have enough confidence in myself to know that whatever it is that these “haters” (if you will) are thinking about me is their own opinion. Some of these people have known me for years, so they must know that I am the same selfless person I have always been.
I wouldn’t hurt a fly, and you know this.
This quote above nailed exactly how I feel. Whatever the reason is for these individuals to be so cold to me is their decision, and I all I can do is accept it and simply walk away from it. However, it rests heavy on my heart. Mainly because I am so unclear why I deserve such treatment.
I am choosing to not focus on this negativity. I choose to focus on the happiness that surrounds me. And I am the happiest, ever.
Life is way too short and there is so much to be thankful for.
Regrets are silly.
Unfortunately, we all have them. If you claim you don’t, you’re a liar.
I started thinking about all the things in my life that I have regretted—things I wish I had done differently, had done more of, or not at all.
Do you even know how long I was sitting there thinking about this list of regrets? It had the potential to be endless!
But then I started thinking; hey, if I had done things differently, then I wouldn’t be where I am right now.
And well shit, I like where I am right now. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Truth.
Many of my regrets stem from me not allowing myself to admit to being vulnerable in certain situations.
Why are we terrified of admitting to being vulnerable? Is it because we HATE to admit that we have done something “wrong” and we HATE being criticized for it?
I don’t want to admit it, but I didn’t do certain things in my life because I was afraid, because I didn’t want to get hurt, or because I was too worried of what others might think.
At one point I hated myself because of some of these regrets. It’s true. I didn’t even have myself to turn to.
It took a long time for me to love myself again. It also took some amazing people, old and new, to snap me back into reality.
It’s okay to be vulnerable. We’re human. And you’re reasons are always valid.
Admitting that regret is a life’s lesson can have the ability to free you. Obsessing over regret has the ability to drown you.
"Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark." - N’tima
I love being a woman. Yeah sure, some days I’m bat-shit crazy, overly emotional, curse my “monthly friend” visits, but overall being a woman is a beautiful thing.
We get to experience some crazy things that men will never be able to experience, like bearing children for example. How friggin’ neat is that? Our bodies were specifically designed for this job. We can literally grow a human being inside of us. Amazing.
I want to be the best woman I can be. That’s the thing about us females, we continually strive to be better. We’ve pushed ourselves on so many levels. We’ve come a long way in history. We should be very proud of ourselves.
But hey, sometimes we need some help (or reminders) on how to be better. In general, we all should strive to be better human beings every day. Am I right?!
How to be a better woman:
Make your own money. Whether you’re making six figures or not, you should be earning your own money. There’s nothing more independently powerful than setting financial goals for yourself and meeting them. Never depend on a man to support you. Support yourself. Money isn’t everything, but it sure is helpful in the world we live in today. Chase that paper!
Spend your own money. Spend all that hard earned cash on yourself, family, friends, or whoever you want! Because it’s your own money. Want to buy those pumps or purse you’ve been eyeing for some time? Go for it. You deserve to do whatever you wish with the money you’ve worked for. Enjoy!
Get fitted for the right bra. I promise this will be life changing. Wearing the right size bra will literally make every day of your life that much better. If your back hurts, your push-up wire is pinching into your ribs…etc., you need to go to your local lingerie shop and ask a specialist to get measured. Your ta-tas deserve nothing but the best.
Stop smoking cigarettes. Alright, ladies. Come on. I’m not going to lecture, but this is a horrible habit (for men, too). You smell like shit, your teeth are yellow, your skin is all broken-out, and not to mention will be wrinkly and disgusting as you get older. Overall, it’s GROSS, unattractive, and it’s KILLING YOU. I understand that this is hard to quit for some of you. All I ask is that you try. Don’t you want nice skin? Or teeth that won’t look like you smeared butterscotch all over them? Exactly. Take care of yourself.
Don’t fake orgasms. Never, EVER. Girl, get yours. Get it often. Don’t deprive yourself of this. Know what you like. Show your partner what you like. Have fun. Let yourself go. Even if your orgasms sound like a howling wolf, have no shame. You deserve this.
Live on your own. Where my independent ladies at?! Yeap. That means killing those spiders, opening those tricky jars, and sleeping alone. Scary, huh? You’ll be fine. Learn to take care of yourself and you will learn a great deal about yourself. Promise.
End the “girl hate” fad. What’s with this, anyway? Part of me feels like this stems from jealousy. Hm…Can we not? We should be supporting one-another. Not degrading each other. Here’s a thought: Maybe that girl you dislike SO much, really isn’t so bad after all. Maybe you have more in common than you think. Stop with the back stabbing and trash talking. Be better than this. Be kind.
Wear the right makeup. If you’re going for the clown look, by all means, cake on the makeup. However, you should learn which colors work for you, how to apply these products correctly, and how to accentuate your best features. This might be really hard for some of you to understand, but you don’t need a lot of makeup. You just need to understand how to wear the right make up.
Be strong. Physically and mentally. Go to the gym and get fit, read inspiring books, and think positive thoughts. The stronger you are the easier life will be. If it takes time to build up that strength, then let it take time. It’s not a race. Just remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do, but from overcoming the things you thought you couldn’t do. Challenge yourself.
Love yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. Seriously, STOP. You need to give yourself more credit. You ARE beautiful. You ARE strong. You ARE smart. You ARE loved. Defend yourself. Learn to love everything about yourself, good or bad. Everyone has insecurities. That’s life! Accept them. Love them. You owe it to yourself.
I saw a little girl that could have easily been me; curly hair with baby hair bangs, chubby little thing with mismatching socks. Her big brown eyes were scanning the room as she grasped tightly onto her tiny notebook.
I started thinking, if I had the chance what would I say if it were me 15 years prior?
Hey Orn! I’m you at age 26. Oh, right. People call you “Orn” or “Orny,” it will grow on you… eventually.
Pfft. I know, I know. The hair will always be hard to tame. Sorry. But you will get a shit-ton of compliments so don’t take those curls for granted!
Nah, not married and don’t have any kids. And you’re PERFECTLY fine with it.
Keep reading and writing. You won’t be reading as much when you grow up, but writing will be in your life a great deal. So, keep up with those journals. Keep writing your stories, poems, and “screenplays”. This is something you will always love doing.
Hey, by the way, I’m really proud of you!
You’re going to experience so much, see so many places, and you’re going to meet a LOT of people.
HA! If I told you how many friends and how much love you’re surrounded by, it would blow your mind.
These people are awesome. They will keep you smiling.
Don’t forget to have fun. Have fun every single day.
Make memories. They last a lifetime.
This is hard to say, but you are going to make some bad decisions and have some bad experiences. There will be a lot of times when you’re sad. It’s going to be scary and I am so sorry.
Hang in there. Everything is going to be just fine.
I guess the good news is you will never give up. That’s the thing about you, you love to be creative and you will take those shitty feelings and experiences and make a lot of beautiful things from them. You have no idea. It’s going to be awesome.
You’re going to live through many things that will make you, you.
Be nice to everyone and always be grateful. It’s so important.
Not everyone will be nice to you. Blow them off, they’re not worth a minute of your time.
Nope. Still hate ketchup.
Be nice to your parents. They’ve done A LOT for you.
You will listen to some great music, connect with some hilarious and inspiring individuals, and bring laughter to so many people. You wouldn’t even believe it if I told you. But, it’ll change your life.
Always be honest with the boys you meet. Some of them are really going to hurt you. Luckily you’ve learned to let go and move on. You are destined for great love.
There is one boy. He is fantastic. Be patient. The road to this point is extremely challenging.
Be as weird as you want! Keep going! Don’t give up!!
Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m cheap.
I get WAY too excited when I know I’m getting a bargain.
I FUCKING LOVE PINCHING PENNIES!
Is that so wrong?
I didn’t grow up poor, but my family definitely didn’t have as many advantages as a lot of other families had.
However, what my family lacked in funds, they had in love. I legitimately couldn’t have asked for a better family. I’ll take 7 days a week of home cooked meals, all sitting at the dinner table together, talking about our day, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, over a $900 purse ANY day.
At a young age, I was taught to manage my money. This has stuck with me ever since. I mean shit, I started working about a month after I turned 14-years-old and haven’t stopped since.
My friends give me a hard time because, well, I’m frugal-as-fuck. There’s a good chance your b-day card came from the 99 cent section. Sorry (not sorry).
Coupons? Don’t even get me started. I LOVE them!
It doesn’t make sense to buy something overpriced when I can get it for much cheaper elsewhere. Amiright!?
You better fuckin’ believe I hit up the dollar store. Where else would I buy paper plates, napkins, or other paper goods? I mean sure, it’s not like I’m buying eggs at the local Dollar Tree. I do draw the line somewhere. But gift bags, plastic table clothes, wax paper…stuff like that, why not?
I’m not rich. But even if I was wealthy beyond belief, I still don’t think I would be all about the brand names and designers.
It’s not me.
Pretty sure the most expensive things I own are two Coach wristlets that I got as gifts. That’s it. And I’m okay with that.
Shopping for clothes isn’t much different in the life of Frugal Orny. I walk into a store and head right for the clearance. Sometimes, I will buy something on sale that is perfectly fine except for a minor rip, and then sew it up when I get home. Boom. Good as new!
Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Target, heck I’ve even shopped at TELLOS. No shame. And you know what? I’ve gotten tons of compliments on outfits. Just because I refuse to drop $90 on a blouse doesn’t mean I still don’t dress adorable.
Don’t get me wrong. I do splurge from time to time. I once bought this really nice watch. I wore it once. Matter of fact, I fucking hate watches. What was I thinking?
Can’t blame me for wanting to save my money for more important things, like a house (some day).
Also, I’m usually the prettiest girl at the dollar store, so it’s a win-win. Ya know?
free will (n);
power of independent action and choice: the ability to act or make choices as a free and autonomous being and not solely as a result of compulsion or predestination
Hey, remember that time when we could literally do whatever the fuck we wanted? Wait… shit. That can be ALL THE TIME.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (scary, huh?) and I was thinking about restrictions and all this bullshit about not being able to do whatever I want because of “stuff” holding me back.
It’s like I totally forget sometimes about this tiny thing called free will.
When I was in high school, my art teacher use to pick on me pretty bad. I hated her and she hated me. I’ve always loved art, drawing and painting up until that point. I was even really excited about the class. But for some reason she took jabs at me every class I had with her. Blatantly told me I wasn’t good enough, embarrassed me in front of the whole class, said my drawings were pathetic, and that I was a punk. I was devastated. Needless to say, I stopped going to her class.
To this day, I regret that decision.
I let her win. I let her bullying get the best of me. That BITCH!
Years later, I picked up a paintbrush and started painting. And you know what? It felt fucking amazing. It was like years of pent up frustration had fallen off of my shoulders.
I’m not bad; I’m actually quite good. Not to mention, it has become more than just something I enjoy doing. It has become a stress reliever, a moment of peace and serenity, and a chance for me to express my creativity however-the-fuck-I-WANT.
And I DO WANT.
If you want to do something, fucking do it. If it makes you happy, then do it often.
Free will, isn’t it a beautiful thing?
Recently I have discovered that any anxiety I have comes from dwelling on past events, not allowing myself to live int he moment, overanalyzing past mistakes, and mostly resenting them.
Then there is the anxiety I get that incorporates worrying about the future, fearing it, and expecting too much from it. Like, way too much.
So much of my anxiety is over things I can’t control. Like time, circumstance, or what other people think.
But WHY?! Clearly I must know that this is just a waste of time, no?
"Let it go," I tell myself. These three words have the ability to free whatever it is that weighs heavily on me.
Once I let go of these things, I can finally appreciate this wonderful life that is right in front of me - the people I love, delicious food, funny moments, LIFE.
LIFE, people. We only get one.
So why dwell about something someone has said, or did. Why worry about something that has not yet happened, or hasn’t yet had the opportunity to happen?
I’m promising myself something today… I’m promising myself the gift of living—without the chains of pointless anxiety keeping me down. This moment is huge for me.
For the first time in a long time, I let go.
I’ve never felt so free.
Unfortunately, we’ve all come across these individuals. And honestly, I think they are SO much worse than the regular cunty-bitches we all know so well.
Ah yes, the Nice-Bitch. The ones that are sweet- as-pie and friendly- as- fuck to your face…
But don’t let that artificial sweetness fool you. These individuals wouldn’t waste one second of their time to say something hurtful or degrading about you the moment you’re not in their presence.
Let’s cut the bullshit. If you don’t like someone, don’t compliment their outfit, rave about how great they look, or even bother throwing the idea of ‘getting together sometime’. Why bother? You’re just going to take the next opportunity to trash talk them anyway. So, my cunts, stay true to your nature. Be the bitch that you are.
Don’t sugar coat. Don’t fake conversations. Don’t even fake a shitty smile at me.
Not to toot my own horn, but I am a fairly civil human being. I am kind to everyone, whether I like you or not, I still show the same respect to every single person I come across in my life. Mainly because I feel I deserve the same respect in return.
Too much to ask? Well, for some of you shitheads, apparently so.
I just want you to think about something, Nice-Bitch. I want you to think long and hard before you say that mean comment, post that picture you know would upset someone, or intentionally do cruel actions just for spite; Think long and hard about how you would feel if you were in that person’s shoes.
Have you no decency? Does being rude make you feel better about yourself?
I am thankful every day that I have the friends that I do; long-standing friendships with people that have turned into family. And my gosh, these people are AMAZING (seriously, THANK YOU).
I am also thankful for the Nice-Bitch. It truly makes me appreciate the people in my life even more.
Stay classy, ya assholes.
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