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Regrets are silly.
Unfortunately, we all have them. If you claim you don’t, you’re a liar.
I started thinking about all the things in my life that I have regretted—things I wish I had done differently, had done more of, or not at all.
Do you even know how long I was sitting there thinking about this list of regrets? It had the potential to be endless!
But then I started thinking; hey, if I had done things differently, then I wouldn’t be where I am right now.
And well shit, I like where I am right now. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Truth.
Many of my regrets stem from me not allowing myself to admit to being vulnerable in certain situations.
Why are we terrified of admitting to being vulnerable? Is it because we HATE to admit that we have done something “wrong” and we HATE being criticized for it?
I don’t want to admit it, but I didn’t do certain things in my life because I was afraid, because I didn’t want to get hurt, or because I was too worried of what others might think.
At one point I hated myself because of some of these regrets. It’s true. I didn’t even have myself to turn to.
It took a long time for me to love myself again. It also took some amazing people, old and new, to snap me back into reality.
It’s okay to be vulnerable. We’re human. And you’re reasons are always valid.
Admitting that regret is a life’s lesson can have the ability to free you. Obsessing over regret has the ability to drown you.
"Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark." - N’tima
I love being a woman. Yeah sure, some days I’m bat-shit crazy, overly emotional, curse my “monthly friend” visits, but overall being a woman is a beautiful thing.
We get to experience some crazy things that men will never be able to experience, like bearing children for example. How friggin’ neat is that? Our bodies were specifically designed for this job. We can literally grow a human being inside of us. Amazing.
I want to be the best woman I can be. That’s the thing about us females, we continually strive to be better. We’ve pushed ourselves on so many levels. We’ve come a long way in history. We should be very proud of ourselves.
But hey, sometimes we need some help (or reminders) on how to be better. In general, we all should strive to be better human beings every day. Am I right?!
How to be a better woman:
Make your own money. Whether you’re making six figures or not, you should be earning your own money. There’s nothing more independently powerful than setting financial goals for yourself and meeting them. Never depend on a man to support you. Support yourself. Money isn’t everything, but it sure is helpful in the world we live in today. Chase that paper!
Spend your own money. Spend all that hard earned cash on yourself, family, friends, or whoever you want! Because it’s your own money. Want to buy those pumps or purse you’ve been eyeing for some time? Go for it. You deserve to do whatever you wish with the money you’ve worked for. Enjoy!
Get fitted for the right bra. I promise this will be life changing. Wearing the right size bra will literally make every day of your life that much better. If your back hurts, your push-up wire is pinching into your ribs…etc., you need to go to your local lingerie shop and ask a specialist to get measured. Your ta-tas deserve nothing but the best.
Stop smoking cigarettes. Alright, ladies. Come on. I’m not going to lecture, but this is a horrible habit (for men, too). You smell like shit, your teeth are yellow, your skin is all broken-out, and not to mention will be wrinkly and disgusting as you get older. Overall, it’s GROSS, unattractive, and it’s KILLING YOU. I understand that this is hard to quit for some of you. All I ask is that you try. Don’t you want nice skin? Or teeth that won’t look like you smeared butterscotch all over them? Exactly. Take care of yourself.
Don’t fake orgasms. Never, EVER. Girl, get yours. Get it often. Don’t deprive yourself of this. Know what you like. Show your partner what you like. Have fun. Let yourself go. Even if your orgasms sound like a howling wolf, have no shame. You deserve this.
Live on your own. Where my independent ladies at?! Yeap. That means killing those spiders, opening those tricky jars, and sleeping alone. Scary, huh? You’ll be fine. Learn to take care of yourself and you will learn a great deal about yourself. Promise.
End the “girl hate” fad. What’s with this, anyway? Part of me feels like this stems from jealousy. Hm…Can we not? We should be supporting one-another. Not degrading each other. Here’s a thought: Maybe that girl you dislike SO much, really isn’t so bad after all. Maybe you have more in common than you think. Stop with the back stabbing and trash talking. Be better than this. Be kind.
Wear the right makeup. If you’re going for the clown look, by all means, cake on the makeup. However, you should learn which colors work for you, how to apply these products correctly, and how to accentuate your best features. This might be really hard for some of you to understand, but you don’t need a lot of makeup. You just need to understand how to wear the right make up.
Be strong. Physically and mentally. Go to the gym and get fit, read inspiring books, and think positive thoughts. The stronger you are the easier life will be. If it takes time to build up that strength, then let it take time. It’s not a race. Just remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do, but from overcoming the things you thought you couldn’t do. Challenge yourself.
Love yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. Seriously, STOP. You need to give yourself more credit. You ARE beautiful. You ARE strong. You ARE smart. You ARE loved. Defend yourself. Learn to love everything about yourself, good or bad. Everyone has insecurities. That’s life! Accept them. Love them. You owe it to yourself.
I saw a little girl that could have easily been me; curly hair with baby hair bangs, chubby little thing with mismatching socks. Her big brown eyes were scanning the room as she grasped tightly onto her tiny notebook.
I started thinking, if I had the chance what would I say if it were me 15 years prior?
Hey Orn! I’m you at age 26. Oh, right. People call you “Orn” or “Orny,” it will grow on you… eventually.
Pfft. I know, I know. The hair will always be hard to tame. Sorry. But you will get a shit-ton of compliments so don’t take those curls for granted!
Nah, not married and don’t have any kids. And you’re PERFECTLY fine with it.
Keep reading and writing. You won’t be reading as much when you grow up, but writing will be in your life a great deal. So, keep up with those journals. Keep writing your stories, poems, and “screenplays”. This is something you will always love doing.
Hey, by the way, I’m really proud of you!
You’re going to experience so much, see so many places, and you’re going to meet a LOT of people.
HA! If I told you how many friends and how much love you’re surrounded by, it would blow your mind.
These people are awesome. They will keep you smiling.
Don’t forget to have fun. Have fun every single day.
Make memories. They last a lifetime.
This is hard to say, but you are going to make some bad decisions and have some bad experiences. There will be a lot of times when you’re sad. It’s going to be scary and I am so sorry.
Hang in there. Everything is going to be just fine.
I guess the good news is you will never give up. That’s the thing about you, you love to be creative and you will take those shitty feelings and experiences and make a lot of beautiful things from them. You have no idea. It’s going to be awesome.
You’re going to live through many things that will make you, you.
Be nice to everyone and always be grateful. It’s so important.
Not everyone will be nice to you. Blow them off, they’re not worth a minute of your time.
Nope. Still hate ketchup.
Be nice to your parents. They’ve done A LOT for you.
You will listen to some great music, connect with some hilarious and inspiring individuals, and bring laughter to so many people. You wouldn’t even believe it if I told you. But, it’ll change your life.
Always be honest with the boys you meet. Some of them are really going to hurt you. Luckily you’ve learned to let go and move on. You are destined for great love.
There is one boy. He is fantastic. Be patient. The road to this point is extremely challenging.
Be as weird as you want! Keep going! Don’t give up!!
Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m cheap.
I get WAY too excited when I know I’m getting a bargain.
I FUCKING LOVE PINCHING PENNIES!
Is that so wrong?
I didn’t grow up poor, but my family definitely didn’t have as many advantages as a lot of other families had.
However, what my family lacked in funds, they had in love. I legitimately couldn’t have asked for a better family. I’ll take 7 days a week of home cooked meals, all sitting at the dinner table together, talking about our day, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, over a $900 purse ANY day.
At a young age, I was taught to manage my money. This has stuck with me ever since. I mean shit, I started working about a month after I turned 14-years-old and haven’t stopped since.
My friends give me a hard time because, well, I’m frugal-as-fuck. There’s a good chance your b-day card came from the 99 cent section. Sorry (not sorry).
Coupons? Don’t even get me started. I LOVE them!
It doesn’t make sense to buy something overpriced when I can get it for much cheaper elsewhere. Amiright!?
You better fuckin’ believe I hit up the dollar store. Where else would I buy paper plates, napkins, or other paper goods? I mean sure, it’s not like I’m buying eggs at the local Dollar Tree. I do draw the line somewhere. But gift bags, plastic table clothes, wax paper…stuff like that, why not?
I’m not rich. But even if I was wealthy beyond belief, I still don’t think I would be all about the brand names and designers.
It’s not me.
Pretty sure the most expensive things I own are two Coach wristlets that I got as gifts. That’s it. And I’m okay with that.
Shopping for clothes isn’t much different in the life of Frugal Orny. I walk into a store and head right for the clearance. Sometimes, I will buy something on sale that is perfectly fine except for a minor rip, and then sew it up when I get home. Boom. Good as new!
Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Target, heck I’ve even shopped at TELLOS. No shame. And you know what? I’ve gotten tons of compliments on outfits. Just because I refuse to drop $90 on a blouse doesn’t mean I still don’t dress adorable.
Don’t get me wrong. I do splurge from time to time. I once bought this really nice watch. I wore it once. Matter of fact, I fucking hate watches. What was I thinking?
Can’t blame me for wanting to save my money for more important things, like a house (some day).
Also, I’m usually the prettiest girl at the dollar store, so it’s a win-win. Ya know?
free will (n);
power of independent action and choice: the ability to act or make choices as a free and autonomous being and not solely as a result of compulsion or predestination
Hey, remember that time when we could literally do whatever the fuck we wanted? Wait… shit. That can be ALL THE TIME.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (scary, huh?) and I was thinking about restrictions and all this bullshit about not being able to do whatever I want because of “stuff” holding me back.
It’s like I totally forget sometimes about this tiny thing called free will.
When I was in high school, my art teacher use to pick on me pretty bad. I hated her and she hated me. I’ve always loved art, drawing and painting up until that point. I was even really excited about the class. But for some reason she took jabs at me every class I had with her. Blatantly told me I wasn’t good enough, embarrassed me in front of the whole class, said my drawings were pathetic, and that I was a punk. I was devastated. Needless to say, I stopped going to her class.
To this day, I regret that decision.
I let her win. I let her bullying get the best of me. That BITCH!
Years later, I picked up a paintbrush and started painting. And you know what? It felt fucking amazing. It was like years of pent up frustration had fallen off of my shoulders.
I’m not bad; I’m actually quite good. Not to mention, it has become more than just something I enjoy doing. It has become a stress reliever, a moment of peace and serenity, and a chance for me to express my creativity however-the-fuck-I-WANT.
And I DO WANT.
If you want to do something, fucking do it. If it makes you happy, then do it often.
Free will, isn’t it a beautiful thing?
Recently I have discovered that any anxiety I have comes from dwelling on past events, not allowing myself to live int he moment, overanalyzing past mistakes, and mostly resenting them.
Then there is the anxiety I get that incorporates worrying about the future, fearing it, and expecting too much from it. Like, way too much.
So much of my anxiety is over things I can’t control. Like time, circumstance, or what other people think.
But WHY?! Clearly I must know that this is just a waste of time, no?
"Let it go," I tell myself. These three words have the ability to free whatever it is that weighs heavily on me.
Once I let go of these things, I can finally appreciate this wonderful life that is right in front of me - the people I love, delicious food, funny moments, LIFE.
LIFE, people. We only get one.
So why dwell about something someone has said, or did. Why worry about something that has not yet happened, or hasn’t yet had the opportunity to happen?
I’m promising myself something today… I’m promising myself the gift of living—without the chains of pointless anxiety keeping me down. This moment is huge for me.
For the first time in a long time, I let go.
I’ve never felt so free.
Unfortunately, we’ve all come across these individuals. And honestly, I think they are SO much worse than the regular cunty-bitches we all know so well.
Ah yes, the Nice-Bitch. The ones that are sweet- as-pie and friendly- as- fuck to your face…
But don’t let that artificial sweetness fool you. These individuals wouldn’t waste one second of their time to say something hurtful or degrading about you the moment you’re not in their presence.
Let’s cut the bullshit. If you don’t like someone, don’t compliment their outfit, rave about how great they look, or even bother throwing the idea of ‘getting together sometime’. Why bother? You’re just going to take the next opportunity to trash talk them anyway. So, my cunts, stay true to your nature. Be the bitch that you are.
Don’t sugar coat. Don’t fake conversations. Don’t even fake a shitty smile at me.
Not to toot my own horn, but I am a fairly civil human being. I am kind to everyone, whether I like you or not, I still show the same respect to every single person I come across in my life. Mainly because I feel I deserve the same respect in return.
Too much to ask? Well, for some of you shitheads, apparently so.
I just want you to think about something, Nice-Bitch. I want you to think long and hard before you say that mean comment, post that picture you know would upset someone, or intentionally do cruel actions just for spite; Think long and hard about how you would feel if you were in that person’s shoes.
Have you no decency? Does being rude make you feel better about yourself?
I am thankful every day that I have the friends that I do; long-standing friendships with people that have turned into family. And my gosh, these people are AMAZING (seriously, THANK YOU).
I am also thankful for the Nice-Bitch. It truly makes me appreciate the people in my life even more.
Stay classy, ya assholes.
Welp, it happened!
I’ve completely fallen for someone. And not just anyone; this man is utterly amazing.
Whether he wants to believe it, or not. He is. He truly is.
I’ve had an amazing summer. I have no regrets in regards to my past single life. What can I say; I am thankful for every douchebag, piece of shit, snobby, egotistical, psychotic, asshole I have dated.
No seriously, thank you. If it wasn’t for all your shit, I wouldn’t have been led to this point.
It just makes sense. That is the only way I can describe this feeling.
I’d like to think that the universe is on our side. So many signs, literally and figuratively, bringing us together. I don’t think I have ever smiled this much. I wake up happy, excited, crazed just to hear his voice.
And to think, I didn’t accept going on a date with him for a month, or so. Hey, I had to keep him on his toes, right?
It’s been a long time since I have had any type of feelings like this. A very, very long time.
Honestly, this is so un-like me. Anyone who knows me knows I am not the lovey-dovey, sap-fest type. Me? Talking about FEELINGS? Woah, right?
Well, shit! For a while there I thought I didn’t deserve this feeling, that I wasn’t even worthy of it. Mainly because of how poorly I was treated in the past.
Someone loves me, for me? Listens to me, accepts me, flaws and all? Un-heard of.
This feeling is beyond me.
Even with just a simple hand-hold, a kiss on my forehead, or a genuine smile from across the room, I feel it. And my God, it is beautiful.
I don’t know if this is a “once in a lifetime feeling,” if it will be temporary, forever, or eventually slowly fade. Whatever it is, I trust it. I trust it with all of my heart.
All I can do is live in the moment, and this moment is nothing short of magnificent.
"Unless it’s mad, passionate, extraordinary love, It’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn’t be one of them."
- Dream for an Insomniac
People are going to disappoint you. How you allow yourself to feel after they have done so is what matters most.
My first, and last, online dating experience.
Alright! I gave it a try. Because I’m 25, single, and why-the-fuck-not? Some of my close girlfriends told me it was worth a shot, and that they even met some really great guys.
So, I did it. I made a profile a few months back on OKCupid. I was warned that OKCupid was not the BEST dating site to try out, but seeing as it was my first time, figured it was a start somewhere.
Only a couple of hours in and I had been flooded with messages and all these other notifications. Talk about a confidence boost!
Now, I’m not trying to sound like a snob, but at least half of those notifications came from dudes missing a tooth, drastically over-weight, or what appeared to me as “thugs”—And I am not about the thug-life. Sorry!
I don’t really know if I have a “type” but I do know what I am attracted to, and there wasn’t much there.
However, there was one guy that stuck out. “D” had reached out to me and sent me a rather funny message. I’m huge into personality and like a guy that can keep up with my humor, so he seemed fun.
We messaged back and forth for about a week. “D” seemed to be, dare I say, normal? We exchanged emails… then later phone numbers. I had no idea if I was doing this right. I mean, this was a complete stranger! So after a little bit of time, I finally agreed to a date.
I convinced one of my best friends to come with me. She agreed to be at the bar right next door. We even set up a texting code in case I needed her to rescue me. Can you tell I was nervous?
I met “D” at the bar. Christ. Meeting a stranger is nerve-wrecking. He did look like his pictures, which was a good thing. But he was a lot shorter than he claimed. Which again, I’m not shallow and it didn’t matter.
He was polite, and funny. We had some fun conversations—getting to know each other…etc. The date was actually going pretty well.
He seemed a little jittery. I pushed it off as nerves. But then he kept going to the bathroom and telling me how hot the bartender was, so I was getting the feeling it may be time to leave.
I texted my gf letting her know that it was about that time.
"D" walked me to my car, even though I said he didn’t have to, he was pretty persistent. And I later found out why, with an awful rape-kiss that was sooo uncalled for and sudden. WOOF.
I’m not even home yet, and he’s blowing up my phone with texts. Okay, sure. Maybe he was just excited. But still!
The next day was filled with all sorts of “flattering” texts. He “couldn’t believe there was someone out there aside from his ex,” or “how lucky he was to have found me.”
I was getting a tad nervous. We hung out for maybe two hours, and he was acting like we’ve been dating for months.
That following Friday night “D” called me. Not once, twice, or even three times. But four. And shit, if I didn’t pick up that fourth time I’m sure it would have been more.
He sounded drunk. Hyper even.
D: “I’m in the neighborhood, what are you doing?!”
Me: “You’re in my neighborhood? What?”
D: “Ya! I’m at a house party! Let’s hang out, I’m so close.”
This continued for an HOUR. He was getting really sad, actually started to make me feel really bad. I called my gf and told her the deal. You know, just in case I get cut up into tiny pieces and thrown in a garbage bag and never be seen again.
I made a really stupid decision. And I blame the wine I was sipping that night, but I said he could stop by. IDIOT.
Seemingly out of nowhere he’s at my door. He did not drive. I did not see a car pull away, or a cab for that matter. It was SKETCHY.
I was slightly paranoid and made sure I was updating my gf with texts.
So he walks in, stumbling actually.
"You’re beautiful," he mutters. He smells like booze.
I get him to sit on my couch and I turn on the T.V.
After about, let’s say, 3 minutes he gets up fast and looks over to me.
D: “WOAH! How did I get here?”
Me: “Are you fucking serious?”
D: “No, I know I’m here. But how did I get here?”
What. The. Fuck.
Me: “How am I supposed to know? And how drunk are you?”
D: “I’m not even drunk.”
Me: “Well, clearly you’re on something, and I think you should go.”
D: “I need to admit something.”
Me: “Ah fuck, what?”
D: “I’m not really 27, I’m 31.”
Me: “Okay? Ya, you’re definitely on something, and I think you should call a cab.”
He gets on his phone and calls the cab company. He is yelling sooo loud and being a complete asshole to the person on the phone.
Seemed like an eternity, but finally the cab came. He gets up from my couch and starts to head for the door.
D: “Don’t even try to contact me again,” he demands.
Me: “No problem.”
He leaves. I burst into laughter, because honestly, what the fuck is my life?
Not even five-fucking-minutes later and he is blowing up my phone. Calling me over, and over, and over. Leaving voicemails even. I never did answer or reply. I went to bed, and prayed I’d wake up and that the whole experience was just a nightmare.
This continued even into Saturday night. My GOD, he was not giving up. Apologizing to me that he “didn’t remember anything” and that he regrets how he acted. I asked him kindly to stop, to take me out of his phone, and go our separate ways.
But no. He was so persistent that I was ‘the one’!
Finally I lost it. It may have been the 28th phone call. I picked up and completely lost my cool. I had no choice, it was getting ridiculous!! He was even threatening to come back to my house. It was not OK.
He promised it would be the last time I’d hear from him.
Turns out, he’s a really great liar.
Sunday morning I wake up; start my usual routine when suddenly…
Ding-dong! My door bell rings.
My heart sinks into my stomach…. No, no, no, no… It can’t be.
I peek out the door’s peep-hole. All I see is a 1-800-FLOWERS truck.
"Ahhh, what the fuck…" I mutter to myself.
The sonofabitch sent me a huge bouquet of flowers. I mean, I was RELIEVED it wasn’t him, but REALLY?!?
The card read (and I quote): "I’m sorry for being an IDIOT! I think we both really get along. I’m really sad and wanna see you again. I’m not used to being single. I think you’re cool. Please forgive me! -D"
…”I’m not use to being single.” …YA THINK!?
I immediately texted him and said that this needs to stop. I was beyond sketched-out, angry, and uncomfortable about the whole situation.
He said he understood. A couple of days later there was an email from him begging me to reconsider. This guy was NUTS. Like, give it a rest already?
Needless to say, I deactivated my account to OKCupid. I don’t blame OKCupid, but I was all set with dating sites. It was worth a shot, and I am all about taking chances, but, I had enough.
A month or so later, I received another text from “D”. He asked me out on another date.
I blocked his number.
Never again, my friends, never again.
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